I’ll end the suspense: we all die. Yes, we all die. Knowing that is the ultimate ending will put the rest of this post into perspective. None of it matters, really. But…inasmuch as we all know that we are all here for an indefinite amount of time, we’ve all agreed that we are all doing shit and it is not the same shit and it is certainly not the same shit at the same time, but we still all have the right to enjoy the limited amount of time we have. It’s called the pursuit of happiness and it is in the fucking Constitution. So WHY do many people insist on taking to their personal social media accounts to share, post, recap, and explaining every single moment of every episode of every television show they’ve watched the second after it airs? Its one thing for media outlets and websites to write a story or even a recap – that is expected and easy to avoid. I’m talking about individual “friends” posting spoilers. Forgive me, but all I did was like a bunch of photos of your dog, your cat and your most recent vacation and all of a sudden I know how Stranger Things 2 ends even though it just came out last week, but I’m the asshole because I didn’t have time to watch an entire season in two days. Bitch, you just got back from vacation – didn’t you have any work to catch up on?!
I’m not saying you don’t have a life…but I am saying that just because I didn’t have 9 consecutive hours free to watch the latest series the moment it dropped in its entirety, does not mean I don’t deserve to enjoy the damn show when I do get some free time. And, again, I am not saying you don’t have a life or that you are super inconsiderate, devoid of empathy, and completely unaware that other people have shit going on in their lives…but I am saying that even for shows that air weekly, your posts and comments about each episode the minute after they air still come off as selfish and willfully ignorant. I was the last person in the free world to get a smartphone and even I have been on some DVR shit since it came out. Who watches the show the night it comes on anymore?
I’m not saying your need to be the first to comment on a show while the end credits are still rolling is pathological…but I am saying that it would be cool or whatever if you’d consider that others would like to have a comparable viewing experience and enjoy the moments as new, not watching while halfway waiting for the scenes where your fucking comments make sense. Keep your “sly” comments that just say “poor whoever” or “yay whoever!” to yourself for a reasonable amount of time – you are not slick, YOU ARE GIVING IT AWAY. And I think you know that, which makes it all the more irritating.
This is not about reviews. Those skilled in writing reviews are able to pique interest and give you a sound opinion on quality without giving away content. This is about your Facebook posts about Stranger Things 2. This is about your tweets about Scandal. This is about your fucking voicemail message about last week’s Will & Grace! I liked your failed attempt at baking a unicorn cake (I mean I rolled my eyes, but I still clicked “Like”), so please show you like me by keeping spoilers out of your feed. This is still America, for fuck’s sake.